I was lost, I felt like heart wasn’t whole, like it was missing something. I felt like I was searching for answers that I could not be find. I wasn’t happy with where I was at, I wanted more in life and I thought there was more in life than just living. When I began learned more about Islam; for the first time I felt peace, at home and accepted by Allah.
I reverted on October 2nd, 2020.
Ramadan was so blessed—alhumduliah— I had a whole group of muslim friends (4 - 10 people) and we would spent almost everyday at the masjid, we would sleep at the masjid, we learned about the prophets, had conversations about how we should act character wise and as Muslims, it felt good. At first I didn’t understand the concept of starving yourself, but I understood after and became for appreciative of my food, I spent more time eating, and with my family.
A complete 180, it has even affected the way I see things, like before if something happened I would still be positive when around friends for family, but when I got home I would beat myself up over it, now I understand that everything happens for a reason. Even my habits have changed my lifestyle, I used to live like other kids around my age did, but I have become close to my family and friends. Reverting has made me stronger, wiser, and happier.
I was a Christian before reverting to Islam.
Alhumduliah I was luck to have an accepting family, one because they were already Muslim and two because they were happy. I actually didn’t tell then when I reverted. They just say me praying and then began asking questions. Not to put my family down or criticize them, but growing up my family was very lenient to the religion so we all religiously grew together, now alhumduliah my mother and auntie are wearing the Hijab. I grew up going to a Christian school, so while my family was Muslim, I grew up Christian.
One of my biggest struggles as a Muslim is staying away from things like music for example and having to pick out what music is halal or haram. Im able to say away from major sins, but I’m trying to work on my halal to haram ratio, for example some months I can stay away from music, but other months I can hear a song and if my umman is lower I can go back to listening to music. I try to stay away from the thinking of “Its just music” and push through the temptations.
I would tell other muslims to not beat yourself up if you mess up, don’t put hate towards yourself. For example I would sin and beat myself up, or try to be perfect. You just need to ask for forgiveness and try again and eventually it will stop. Eventually Allah will take away to temptation. Don’t type to be perfect, but try your best.
Everyday began to seem meaningless, I felt like I didn’t have a purpose in life. It is sad when you feel that type of vibe, but after reverting that changed, because I saw that my purpose is to serve Allah. I know a lot of people are going through depression, or sadness; and not just Muslims or reverts, but everybody is in someway going through it. You feel like you can’t breath, or you cannot get out of a situation, and it feel like your about to crumble. At one point in my life, it felt like I couldn’t get out of the hole I was in, or I was always going to be stuck, or that life didn’t matter, but alhumduliah that changed, anything can happen as long as your work for it. You have to stay close to Allah, remember Allah and he will remember you even on your worst day. Even after I reverted, it is not like life not easy instantly, I was put in situation that was worse than before. I had the misconception that after reverting everything will get easier, but everything got hard, but alhumduliah after each lesson I learned about something new and each hardship made me stronger and wiser with a different prospective. Then better things started happening and coming. The way Allah made everyone perfectly, everyone began growing together. Everyone, even the reverts, and Muslim, stay close to Allah no matter what, focus on yourself and focus on Allah. Do your prayers no matter what, no matter where do them, take a prayer mat with you wherever you go and do your prayers on time. It will make you feel better.